6. Certainty

Relationships: Originally posted Jan 05, 2016 by Randi Gunther Ph.D. from her blog at https://randigunther.blogspot.com.

Today we are studying number six of nine. (1. Surprise// 2. Intrigue// 3. Timelessness// 4.Quickened// 5. Fear// 6. Certainty// 7. Authenticity// 8. Synergy// 9. Home.

Certainty

Many new lovers feel overwhelmed and obsessed with each other. Those feelings are typical of a beginning romance when two people are newly physically attracted. They can’t get enough of each other and spend long hours building and satisfying those feelings. If the sexual relationship is compatible in terms of frequency and depth, most would feel very certain that things were off to a good start.

The feelings of certainty in a potentially long-term relationship are different from the very beginning of more typical relationships. Though they include mutual attraction, there is much more. My long-term couples tell me that they felt almost immediately grounded, quiet, and serious, totally convicted that they would end up together. It was as if fate had intervened, telling them that their unbelievable connection was real and they could trust its promise.

“I’d dated a lot of men, some great, some not so. I really wasn’t looking to get long-term serious but not rejecting the idea if it happened someday. My first reaction to Ned was very physical. He was beautiful to look at and moved in a way that excited me. We dated a few times before we went to bed and the physical connection was good. But something happened after he fell asleep. I was looking at him and my heart wouldn’t settle down. I started wondering what it would be like to never leave him. I told myself, ‘seriously, after a month? What’s wrong with you?’ It didn’t matter. He woke up and looked at me: ‘You’re special, you know.’ That was it.”

Bob: A friend said: I was overwhelmed by her physically and she was giddy around me. Giddy is great in my book because it tells me that it would not be a one way street. We were a physical match. Then we got to talking. It wasn't earth shaking, it was comforting, and for an introvert, well, I never felt this before. We were and are always in sync. If we rarely disagree we effortlessly (with nobody's feelings hurt) reach a compromise. We mesh.