5. Fear

Relationships: Originally posted Jan 05, 2016 by Randi Gunther Ph.D. from her blog at https://randigunther.blogspot.com.

Today we are studying number five of nine. (1. Surprise// 2. Intrigue// 3. Timelessness// 4.Quickened// 5. Fear// 6. Certainty// 7. Authenticity// 8. Synergy// 9. Home.

FEAR
In the beginning of a new relationship, most people try hard to limit their investment. Though they don’t want to be hurt or disappointed, they don’t expect to win the lottery. “Nothing ventured; nothing lost, seems to be a good beginning.

Though those feelings of unsureness and anxiousness can make anyone a little apprehensive, most relationship-seekers continue searching despite them. They expect that fear of loss is supposed to accompany every new venture, but persist nevertheless.

If a new relationship has the capability of long-lasting love, that apprehensive feeling has a distinctly different flavor. Many of my couples have described those early responses as something like being on the edge of a cliff and wondering if they could fly. They just could not give up the chance to hold on to what they were experiencing, no matter what happened.

“My friends had watched me for years, handling each relationship with the same confident air of a person who doesn’t get too close to anyone. I’d been burned in the past and I routinely handled my dates from a non-risk perspective. I had great times with a lot of women, but never seriously considered sticking around with anyone. Fearless and over-protective, I was totally comfortable in my style. Then Natalie showed up in my life. We worked together for a few weeks and she didn’t seem interested. As I got to know her, I had this strange feeling. I was getting very, very interested in this person, and I was, like, scared. Not scared of winning, more scared of losing, like I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she went away. Every day made the fear stronger and the desire even more so. When she told me she wanted to know me better, I felt like crying.”

BOB: Aren't most of us worried about finding a partner. Fear can make for awkward cute meets (in real life too). Who hasn't wanted a boy/girl to approach at a high school dance but became frozen by fear. Why? Perhaps we didn't know what we were doing. Later in life, some lessons learned we make attempts, and realize that to fail is okay. It's like what we writers do when we plaster our walls with rejection slips. Believe in yourself and always do your best.

Maryln Monroe once said that she'd prefer a guy who was unsure of himself and shy around her rather than the life of the party. [I couldn't find the exact quote, but the meaning is clear. If a guy is unsure if he could approach a great beauty (like her) because of rejection, but you could tell by looking at him that he wants to. Well Marilyn will walk up to him.]

A friend: "I'm just an okay looking guy, she was stunning. We were introduced and I tried small talk. She seemed interested. It turned out we had similar interests and life experiences. I never asked her out, but we kept seeing each other at weekly parties. She told me later that she could stand it no longer. She asked me out and I said yes. I keep saying yes to my lovely inside and out wife."