The Blush

The Blush

Wiki: “Blushing is the reddening of a person’s face due to psychological reasons. It is normally involuntary and triggered by emotional stress, such as that associated with embarrassment, anger, or romantic stimulation.”

Here’s another from How To: “It is normally triggered by a social phobia such as shyness or embarrassment.”

According to research doctors blushing is governed by the same system that activates your flight or fight response: the sympathetic nervous system.

We’re not here to do medical research. We’re here to write better more believable characters. We should not tell the reader why the none-view point character blushed, we’re here to show why. Tough task. On the other hand, misinterpreting the blush (as an unreliable narrator or POV character should or would do) can lead to plot twists, black moments, comedy, etc.

Example: They were just friends and he wants to see if she’s romantically inclined. He says, “if you were my gal, I’d (insert something kindly or heroic).”

She blushes and tries to change the subject. BTW, men blush too, so this can be reversed.

Back to our hero. He assumes she’s romantically inclined after observing the blush and proceeds to get chummier. But she could be angry or embarrassed. There are other minor explanations for blushing which I’ll leave to the student of human nature, but I’ll suggest for the purpose of fiction to stay on main paths unless your hero or heroine is a doctor/researcher type.

Or, if in her POV, she could show internal thought to explain her reaction or perhaps she doesn’t fully understand her reaction since blushing is an involuntary response. It is possible, if she were angry, that it was a combination of symptoms. You see what I’m saying to all you detective Colombos out there? Don’t make it easy unless you have reached that point in their arcs where truth telling was a complete necessity. Hey, they’re in love, secretly, and it was about time they both said the truth and confirmed it with a kiss.

Trick question: Why do Victorian novels feature the blush and modern stories underutilize it? Note that since the blush is involuntary, and humans have not changed the blush is still alive and well and ready to be used as an arrow in your quiver of skills. I love you all. Now, I’m blushing.

The Perfect Match

The perfect match

When people partner up, they often describe their mate as perfect for them. They use terms like soulmate, they say, we read each other’s minds, we complete each other’s sentences. Some even feel a calling to dedicate their lives to making their other happy. In this perfect match, this feeling is reciprocated. It’s not 50/50, it is 100%/100%.

The younger you are, the more obstacles there are to achieve this.

First, many younger couples don’t think too deeply on this subject, if at all. They’re in lust and this is love. For those who do think about compatibility, there are likely big disappointments ahead. Those who don’t, may wake up someday and declare they have made a big mistake, “she’s lost interest in me, sexually [Male POV].” “He’s not sweet anymore.” With an approx. 50% divorce rate, something’s wrong for any type of couple, whether they are thoughtful or not.

The problem for thoughtful couples is in the dedication. How can you dedicate your life to the other, like a Mother Theresa, when you have responsibilities? There’re the kids, the jobs, social engagements, family.

You’re older now, more reflective. You may have a lot more time to make someone else happy, and passionately.

The moral of the story for writers. Don’t forget all the issues that tear couples apart. And consider “second time around” relationships as an open field to explore the meaning of dedication.

It is my opinion that to find the truest love is to know one’s purpose in the universe. To be fulfilled in an eternal way.

The five love languages

The Five Love Languages

Here follows a short summary of Doctor Gary Chapman’s book which is also free as in audio for thirty days. I start with my commentary.

As writers we need every reference we can get to understand better our characters. This holds especially true for the male POV, the basic subject of this blog. Dr. Chapman published his book, The Five Love languages in 1995 but the way men and women love each other never changes. As a reference I recommend the movie, Alpha, about life 20,000 years ago.

Chapman. The five (emotional) love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation. If this is your love language, you feel most cared for when your partner is open and expressive in telling you how wonderful they think you are, how much they appreciate you, etc.

2. Acts of service. Ex.: If your partner offering to watch the kids so you can go to the gym (or relieving you of some other task) gets your heart going then this is your love language.

3. Affection. This love language is just as it sounds. A warm hug, a kiss, touch, and sexual intimacy make you feel most loved when this is your primary love language.

4. Quality time. This love language is about being together, fully present and engaged in the activity at hand, no matter how trivial.

5. Gifts. Your partner taking the time to give you a gift can make you feel appreciated.

Here’s his point. People speak different love languages. Couples might not understand each other until they discover and learn the other’s primary language and then speak their partner’s language.

To understand this better and more completely Google or Bing a summary of his work.

Regarding the male POV: it's a good bet that physical intimacy is a guy's primary love language.