Ask a male author about your male character traits or thoughts.

Amazon links to my stories: Autumn Breeze, A More Perfect Union, Double Happiness, The Wolves of Sherwood Forest, Neanderthals and the Garden of Eden can be found down the right side of the blog.

Sunday, April 5, 2015

The resurrection of happily-ever-after.

WRITING POINT: embed in your hero and heroine traits that everybody knows will help when they're married:

Some statisticians say that 99% of marrieds contemplate divorce at one time or another.

One of the reasons for failure (and the huge failure rate) is the disregard of something often quoted in a marriage vow: Respect your partner.

It’s usually out of love that we offer a better way to do something, to save our partner time, to protect from harm, but…

Respect them. They’re adults. They’re competent. Give them space, don’t nag. Stop nagging. Nix the nag (oh, oops, I stop nagging you).

It took me forever to get into my thick head that it was more important to either show by example or find a way to get your point across without it sounding like a nag (both men and women do this in different ways). A woman generally repeats the point. A guy usually says his way is the only correct way. Remember most behaviors are habits. All habits are pleasurable. Changing a habit is painful until the change is practiced numerous times.

“I can’t find my keys.”

“I know. I’m having the same problem.” (He or she isn’t, really).
(after a discussion of ideas). “What do you think if we buy a key hook board and we hang it here or there?”

“Great idea.”

There are many more difficult examples, regarding driving, cooking, cleanliness, spending, etc.

Working on creative ways to solve a problem that might help your partner is worth the time. Unless you come up with a thoughtful plan, try to bite your tongue, don’t say anything until you have your thoughtful response ready.

Anyone have examples they care to share?

Remember The War of the Roses in which they’re both hanging from the chandelier in the final scene? Or Oscar and Felix as The Odd Couple?

The War of the Roses, 1989, trailer.

 

1 comment:

  1. Oh, WAR OF THE ROSES. Painful to watch. But it does remind me that there are better ways to solve problems. My solution: remember you love this guy and he loves you. Think of all the good stuff.

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