Britt: To me, what a wife is -, a girlfriend is - a safe haven. I want to tell you that you can feel safe with me. I want to be the shoulder you can cry on. ...If you're worried, if you're sad, if you're happy. I want to be the one* you come give a hug to. I know it's cheesy. *[she's competing for the hero]
Chris: No. [since when does a guy say as much as a woman, LOL?]
Britt: But it's what's important to me... because you're amazing, awesome.
Chris talks about visiting cities trying to make a case for his flexibility in regards to where he lives. He's a farmer who is dedicated to his profession and I'm nearly certain he'd much prefer to stay put.
Britt: It (the city) is not where I want to raise a family. A small town is where it's at. I don't want to get ahead of myself but, yeah, Iowa seems beautiful...
***
Some of you might say the dialogue is flat and needs some help by way of action tags and interior motivation. The video I supply will do that for you, in spades. [It's the best mix or words and animation of body-mind-soul that I have ever seen. She obviously chose her basic message to convey to the man of her dreams that she'd stand with him, not second guess or nag! Not that things can't be discussed. It's a matter of focusing on the positive.]
Some might say the dialogue needs tightening...and I have already tightened it a little!
Others might say that the heroine should not offer her shoulder to cry on to a very alpha hero (and he is if I ever saw one). I'll counter that by saying his reaction, perhaps subconscious in part, showed he was overwhelmingly impressed with her as you'll see in the second 2 minute video. If I were a bachelor and younger and those lines were tried on me in the way the heroine delivered them, I would have fallen instantly for her. [She's also gorgeous. This helps.]
MARKETING TOOLS:
Every Monday night thousands of NEW and YOUNG ADULTS (mostly women), newly marrieds and singles in the workforce throw wine and cheese parties to view this show on campuses and family rooms across America.
The Bachelor Chris Soules - Britt's Limo Exit & Talk, 1/5/2015, ABC, The Bachelor. The dialogue I highlighted shows up about half way through the 5 minute video.
In the second (2 minute) scene Chris gives Britt the first impression rose.
Chris: When I first saw you I felt something I haven't felt in a long time!
For my professional writers: Anybody who writes in the action tags, description and interior thoughts and sends them to me will get a copy of my about to be released Autumn Breeze.
Bob: I always like your male viewpoint on guy/gal situations.
ReplyDeleteCheesy is right, lol. Things happen differently in a movie/show script. A scene like this though, the dialogue tags and action (hand movements, facial expressions, nervous hand flutterings) would be just as cheesy to match the pure romance vibes.
ReplyDeleteI would need some wine and cheese to write it out :)
Thanks Phylliss
ReplyDeleteand thanks Delorah... PLease do write it out. there'll be no critiquing unless you want it, but there will be an advance copy of Autumn Breeze.
Bob