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Sunday, August 11, 2013

Falling in Love—Bachelorette Style (a dance)

Why the Bachelorette finale was an amazing (example of how men and women think and act while falling in love). August 11, 2013
Many who hadn’t watched any or all of the episodes and casually tuned in to watch the finale either for a train wreck or a marriage proposal accepted were left wondering how Desiree could switch away so easily from the perceived front runner, Brooks, to Chris.

But I watched every episode and saw things differently. Weeks before the finale, Desiree, in a talk with the host, Chris Harrison, said she was falling in love with two men (Brooks and Chris). These feeling grew over time. The skeptic might ask how you can be in love or falling for two. Desiree answered this easily by stating her dating philosophy for the show. She would be in the moment with each person, giving her date full attention. This enabled her to see the good (or bad) in each man because she was invested in the guy’s life (needs and desire). She stated early in the show, she hoped to find a guy who was a good communicator besides the chemistry. Chris and Brooks were on a par with her intellectually. Chris and she exchanged some very good poetry. He was also quick witted. He was the one who got out of the limo the first night, kneeled before her and asked permission to tie his shoe. Perfect. Brooks engaged her with deep conversation about life.

In the end, Brooks failed because he was not romantic enough for whatever reason, plus he “didn’t love her enough.” When he told her he was leaving, she threw a huge fit. Why—she was fully invested in him as the most likely winner. But, she soon realized, love which isn’t given back is an illusion. During the fit, she said she might not be able to love the remaining two men. Might. She obviously thought long and hard about it. During the marriage proposal she told Chris he was the greatest man she ever knew and that she was searching but here he is and was standing right in front of her all the while—her man.

Chris loves her and she him, even Brooks saw this. It was obvious to me that Desiree’s feelings for Brooks dissipated quickly.

For those who have trouble with someone loving two people, I might ask a philosophical question. Consider if man is naturally monogamous (in spite of some evidence to the contrary (like the divorce rate))….or old religions, etc. Maybe some are some aren’t!

Tonight’s clip is of the proposal, thanks to ABC. For us romance writers, I firmly believe this show and especially Desiree’s speech (and his) are a gold mine of ideas or insights into the magic of falling in love.

Since neither Chris or Desiree knew if the proposal would be accepted I joke about it being a dance of emotions. Pay attention to Chris's reactions when she stops him from kneeling down. My heart would have broken, but I'm a quick on the spot reassemble. Much can be learned as a writer by listening to their words and watching their body language.
Part 1 of 2

Part 2 of 2

I'd be extremely surprised if these two broke up. During 'the after the final rose show' Chris intimated how the pressures on them from disbelievers worried him for their future together.
Hang in there you two, you are meant for each other. 



  1. The gregarious men we seek are the best at communication but not always the best at the back and forth dance required so we don't feel smothered.

    Sometimes we choose the aloof one, fearing a lifetime of smothering.

  2. Hi Susan,

    Either gregarious or aloof if they have a good heart they'll be mindful of your needs. i think Chris is somewhere inbetween greg and allof. he's very attentive or sensitive to Desiree. A great quality.