Ask a male author about your male character traits or thoughts.

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Sunday, January 29, 2012

The finger in the socket look 1/29/12

Natural Beauty

Stop the presses. I was going to talk about straight line thinking, when I saw this.

Kacie B on the 2012 Bachelor (ABC-Mondays) goes all natural. It's not what you might think:

"Just the natural finger in the socket look. . . .It's just exactly what he wants to wake up to every morning. Right?" She asked.

Well, Mr. Guy POV, what do you have to say for yourself? In no particular order I love (crazy about) this woman's sense of humor, her sweet affectionate and loving ways (pure heart), her (I don't know how to describe her deep? eye sockets and eyes and make a reader picture it. Help somebody.) eyes, her peek-a-boo dimple, her laugh, her smile, her face, figure, and yes her unruly finger in the socket hair, especially her hair. But, this isn't about me, all those adjectives and more can be found on fan websites by both men and women. Personally, I like women of all races, hairstyles, ages, and with or without make-up. It's the heart which shines through a woman's charms which makes her beautiful.

If Kacie is that uncertain, she should consider showing Ben her hair or try different hairdos on him if she wants, but if I were her man, I'd say, "suit yourself honey, but I love that bedroom look." She looks even better, before she combs out her naturally curly locks.

I (and most fans) picked her out from the other girls as my favorite after watching her react with Ben. When she smiled broadly and laughed I was stunned and I couldn't see anybody else for Ben. So Ben, don't be a schmuck, select who I want.

Okay, so what's my point, aside from slobbering and short circuiting my laptop. My point is sometimes a guy doesn't need a gal to dress up or doll up or wear make up. Your male POV character could take on an extra dimension if, as a character trait, he tried to scale the walls of female fashion. Kacie will look gorgeous no matter how she dresses or gets made-up or wears her hair, because her loving vibrant self shines through.


  1. I have to say, Bob, that your "seeing into the heart" comment makes me think you are NOT a typical male! I'm thinking of all those not so sensitive alpha male heroes in romance, they only look into the heart when the happy ever after comes.

    1. Hi Regan,

      Thanks so much for your comment. I must and will return the favor by commenting on your blog.

      You've got me thinking:

      You know how we're told in writing to avoid the abstract. How does one see a heart? I could have used more physically defining terms like: a warm smile, vivaciousness, empathetic, good listener. But, how does a man or woman really know if they're being played?

      On The Bachelor there's a girl named Courtney, who seems to be playing Ben. You can't tell by the way she is around him, unless you're given a clue, ro are a genius at reading people. This girl is always commmenting about how she'll do anything to get Ben and how she really doesn't care about the other girls. She has also heaped numerous derogatory comments both to the camera and sometimes to the women themselves, revealing her true personality. Or is she really playing the camera and the women?? Well, the way I was raised, to respect other people and not speak ill of them (we're all God's creatures, golden rule etc.), I just couldn't do what she's doing.

      Anyway, how can you tell if somebody has a good heart?

      This subject has been addressed in so many ways. Some will say, look how he or she handles a pet. Are they caring? Do they treat the pet with "love" an abstract term, I know.

      Is he or she good with other people, trying to be supportive and trying to solve problems on behalf of that other person?

      Maybe it all comes down to survival of the species! For those of us looking, we need to find a suitable mate, and it's not easy.

      When a man or woman stops playing around for a good time, and starts thinking about a life mate (as in romance novels and hopefully real life) how do they see the "heart" and visa versa.

      Thanks so much for enriching this blog.

      p.s. Your comment about the typical male deserves a book, not just some whipped up answer, because I'm afraid I don't quite have a handle on the dilemna (typical male) you bring up. It at least deserves a future post where we'll try to tackle the near impossible.

  2. Hi again Regan,

    I wanted to add these words to our discussion, which I hope is food for thought.
    "You will know a tree by its fruit."


  3. I think the typical male acts as we may expect them to act, but when it comes down to it, most want someone they can connect with on a deeper level. Whoa, listen to me! I'm the ultimate cynic when it comes to men (most, not all), but I've noticed lately the women who appeal most to these men aren't what I'd expected. They're not skinny cover models. They're confident and strong without being cocky. They have a good sense of humor and can laugh at themselves. They are genuine. They could be average-looking, but knowing them makes them more desirable than someone who had killer looks but a self-centered personality. Maybe we sometimes give the "typical" male a bad rap. Of course, they act like cads until the right women put them in their places ;) I guess knowing all this gives us great inspiration for creating the perfect heroine for the hero...

    1. Hi Angela,

      I feel surrounded. Run up against the wall by a bunch of, well, women who have been hurt. You are so correct. All I'm doing is mind bending. Finding exceptions that in some cases are more mainstream than people think. My dear Angela, I do have to write about what men prefer, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's all over the place, because 'life happens.' One thing is true in all cultures, the Golen Ratio, AKA the God's number seems to run both male and female instinctual desires. But can we all get what we want? Stay tuned. Give this blog a little time and we'll write the sequel to "What Women Want," called "What Men Want."

  4. Hi Bob -

    My hubby agrees with you! He thinks a woman who let's her guard down in sweats and no make-up is sexy and attractive...

    I think it also depends on how well you know someone. If you met for the first time and her hair was whacked and she wore ginormous worn out sweat pants you may not form a positive first impression.

    But if you know this woman is always well put together, and she trusts you enough to see her au naturale, I think it becomes more intimate...

    Great blog!

    Lisa :)

    1. Hi Lisa,

      Great comment. But I disagree somewhat.

      If by whacked you mean the way Kacie looks in the short video above, well whack me silly. I'll do some research, but for now, I'll let all the bachelors from The Bachelor speak to this point. In every single show at some point(s) the guy remarks how he loves a gal that can get down (or a little bit country, or dirty, or is game, or (sometimes) a tom boy). There's something so attractive about a woman who is in touch with her inner Eve.

      As far as first impressions go, men take in everything, but I think a winning or intriguing personality will sustain a guy's interest beyond her attire or make-up.

      Remember the girl in the beaver suit(S.E. Phillips). She was a natural born charmer. The guy's reaction isn't fiction to me. I bet most guys would be curious enough to stop and then become intrigued by her outragious personality. A beaver suit trumps ginormous worn out sweats. Right???

      Basically, many guys don't think much of clothes, or hairdos. Just look at the way they dress (unless their wives dress them).

      What's the first thing the hero does to or heroine does in the bedroom, if they can catch a breathe. He or she lets down her hair. It's primal.

  5. following up with a couple tweaks:
    *bedroom hair reminds a guy of his prime directive.
    *Many guys don't notice shoes (they're too busy).

  6. Well, you certainly gave the right response to the video - IMO :)

    But I have to agree with the others that you are NOT they typical single guy (as your profile reflects). Maturity and relationship experience changes a guy's perspective on what is "attractive" in a woman. I can't help but agree with Regan; getting to know a woman isn't top on the guy's list. First he has to like something physically attractive - yes, women are the same but more forgiving in imperfections - and maybe he wouldn't mind waking up to the finger-in-the-socket look if he'd just spent and erotic night with her. Or after they'd been together for a while.

    But I've been divorced more years than I was married (all three times) and I don't actively date, so I'm willing to admit my views may be a little cynical :) And I don't watch The Bachelor, or any other reality TV. I think calling them "reality" stretches the word. They get paid extra to be the disagreeable one. Somebody has to be "the villain".


  7. Hi Donna,

    Kacie is beautiful, isn't she? You know another great beauty calmed her hair (I think), Ingrid Bergman. Kacie is every bit as good looking. I'm an older guy, so when I look at her I see her sweetness as well as her physical charms and I think Ben does too. He treats her like a princess and everybody else like a dating experience.

    So you are right. I'm not typical. But I've always been this way, even as a teenager, about my physical preferences. So, when I write, I only look for refreshing ways to portray male POV in a happily ever after. I do research. There are percentages. That's all you need to fashion a hero who jumps off the page, although there's nothing wrong with the archetypes, and all the other preconceived (stereotypes I might say) as long as they come alive.

    There are some happily ever afters out there. Right?