Do men like Tomboys?

 All of us have attributes of both sexes in varying degrees. A Tomboy is often labeled as competitive, especially in sports. Or they might like to fix cars, lift weights, take to hammer and nails, etc.

I can only speak for myself this time because every man has a different opinion of who they are attracted, and why. I like women who are competitive in whatever they want to do. I don't find attractive heavy weight lifting by a woman because I find myself more attracted to the waif or athletic type.

I do want a woman to challenge and I firmly believe that men and women are equals.

This is why this season of The Bachelorette (ABC) intrigues me.

Michelle Young is the bachelorette and she's a Tomboy. In high school, she finished in second place all-state basketball. This is where her urge to excel manifests itself. She was a kindergarten teacher and now teaches fifth-grade. She, at first, refused ABC's gig, because she didn't want to abandon her 'kids.' ABC rearranged the schedule to accommodate her.

She's not the kind of Tomboy who always wants to top a male, is in Doris Day's portrayal in Annie Get Your Gun. No, Michelle understands that collaboration should lead to love but don't challenge her in basketball.

In the second episode, she had her men seated in small schoolroom desks and quizzed them. Some were god awful in arithmetic, lol, and her kid helpers weren't afraid to point it out.

Michelle's fear is not being seen [as a person or as a woman]. She grew up the only bi-racial girl and didn't get asked out on dates. [Sometimes missing a part of oneself can lead to excellence in another area as compensation, hence basketball.]

Michelle is lovely and loving and would make any man a good partner.

The new Bachelorette

ABC writes:

After joining Matt James' season as a [very] late arrival, Michelle [Young] immediately stole The Bachelor's attention, along with the hearts of millions of Americans who fell in love with her captivating smile and charming sense of humor. A former Division 1 basketball player from Minnesota, the 28-year-old kindergarten [4^th & 5^th now] teacher now focuses on preparing her students to be the next generation of community leaders.

Michelle has big dreams for the future and says she wants a man by her side that is supportive and driven to make the world a better place [and treats her as a complete equal]. She is looking for the Superman to her Superwoman and is ready to find a love with whom she can start a family of her own.

Bob writes: Yes, and Michelle finished as runner up in Matt’s season. The moment she arrived on Matt’s season I told everyone she was my favorite. Not because she was the most beautiful. No, maybe she’s a 7 or 8 out of 10 (although her eyes are amazing.] It was her big heart that blew me away. I guess I’m a sucker for an elementary school teacher. So I await the premiere of The Bachelorette on ABC Tuesday, the 19^th, 2021. And I’ll go so far as to say she will be my favorite bachelorette. That’s saying a lot with the likes of Tayshia Adams, Ashley Hebert, and others as fond memories. I say others because I tend to forget particulars.

Entropy

Entropy and other related thoughts:

I’ve talked about this before in a different way. Things Fall Apart, written by Chinua Achebe is a good fictional handbook on how things go wrong from conflicts in society, ones-self and outside influences.
For the hero of a romance, things should go wrong when he fails to focus on the heroine. First there’s doubt by the heroine, then there’s her friends and family who chime in. It seems no one lives in a vacuum and because we are social beings we can’t and often shouldn’t ignore the outside influence. However, this sort of problem adds tension to the plot. Will she fight for him? Will he find his way back to his focus on her?
I call it a “lay down” when the heroine ignores the warning signs. The HEA will occur. Unfortunately, many romances read this way.
Once upon a time, there was the perfect bachelor (on The Bachelor). Ben proposed to one of the most gorgeous women I have seen, Lauren. He kept putting off the wedding date. Lauren, so in love, did not push hard enough for changen or did she issue an ultimatum. ( I believe therapy was tried.) Anyway, she eventually left him and now has a boyfriend. Of course, she’d get a boyfriend as true as I breathe.
Contrast this to the latest couple on The Bachelorette. Rachel wants a winter wedding and what do you think her fiancé said? “Whatever the woman wants she will get.” We’ll see. Some have said of Bryan that he wasn’t her best choice, that he won’t be true. I say he’s light years ahead of “the perfect bachelor.” Maybe Ben is perfect...as a bachelor.

Rachel and Bryan's interview on Access Hollywood. August 2017.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDucmjuwYyM

Ben and Lauren

Before you run for the hills, as I know some of you are not reality TV fans, listen up. ABC Family, now called, Freeform is offering Ben & Lauren: Happily Ever After? on Tuesday night at 8PM.

I cannot recommend this, so obviously scripted, show to anyone who wants to check out reality TV offerings, unless you’re a diehard The Bachelor or The Bachelorette fan. Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell are so obviously in love, are so gorgeous a couple and have sdo much to offer each other, that I’ll eat my hat if any of the worries the show’s producers try to throw our way work out to be remotely “real.” If you are struggling for a definition of love or how a young couple should act, these two are the real deal.

Aside from watching fake drama, and knowing it, I can’t not watch. I never watch happily ever after the after shows or read such books, not just because they are labeled Chick Flicks or women’s fiction. As an example, on Hallmark last night, the Good Witch premiered its latest in the series. My wife and I agreed, it dragged. The plot was all too familiar, the romantic arc for the witch revolved around one line of dialogue at the end of the show, “I thought of you, last night.”

Okay, this will be my first bad review. I’m sure the show was fun for those steeped in the Witch’s lore. Call me a sap, but I like plots that revolve around happily ever afters (and many men do).

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KIo9XnQw1YFE0AeUr7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTExaW9lYTgwBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDVklEQzEEZ3BvcwMyMg--?p=ben+%26+lauren%3A+happily+ever+after&vid=ac7294c0935b54a435b3ba443df4c693&turl=https%3A%2F%2Ftse1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.Vfbbe6712157aaafc81394d43cd2e98a6%26pid%3D15.1%26h%3D360%26w%3D480%26c%3D7%26rs%3D1&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DSEA15HmQAoI&tit=The+Bachelor%26%2339%3Bs+Ben+%26+Lauren+%26quot%3BHappily+Ever+After%26quot%3B+Preview&c=21&h=360&w=480&l=249&sigr=11bv94271&sigt=126ra1drs&sigi=132cekl4p&age=1476074533&fr2=p%3As%2Cv%3Av&fr=yfp-t-s&tt=b
Lauren and Ben, well, you are my guilty pleasure.

The Bachelorette confronts violence

Libby Hall, a writer for the LA Times, starts her story in Monday’s (6/20/2016) paper with, “If reality dating shows are all about channeling the romantic narrative of the fairy tale, what happens when they [producers of the show] pivot to the darker side of Grimm?”

JoJo Fletcher, in her attempt to find a husband, had to deal with a slow reveal from her “men” about the violent—steroid riddled, IMO—tendencies and remarks of Chad Johnson. This bad boy with too many fatal flaws, threatened to remove heads, teeth and track down after the show, his tormentors. The men “tormented” him because, basically, he scared them and they asked him to cut it out and become human. They didn’t sign up to get their jaws broken, etc.

They did sign up to get their hearts broken. All save one.

For those who are sceptics, The Bachelor franchise has scored consistent wins (marriages) over the last few seasons. With three shows a year (The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise). From The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, married is Jason and Molly, Sean & Catherine, Ashley & J.P. and Desiree & Chris. The summer filler, Bachelor in Paradise, has scored two for two with Marcus & Lacy and Jade & Tanner. Successful season or not, the emotions are often raw for both sexes, the dialogue intriguing and the love (as you identify with the heroine and hero) will warm your heart, just like a good romance novel.

For football fans out there, Aaron Rodgers, the great NFL Greenbay quarterback, gets to watch his brother Jordan, who is on the show.

Jo Jo on Access Hollywood:

http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=jo+jo+on+access+hollywood&view=detail&mid=037434E75973395CF2B2037434E75973395CF2B2&FORM=VIRE

A Diverse Hero or Heroine

We’ve all seen and heard the dissension lately about the lack of diversity on some TV but mostly in the movies. The old way of thinking goes something like the majority of people watching (or reading) are white so give them white heroes and heroines. This has always been short sighted, as so many TV programs have shown. Nowadays, young and new adults are colorblind. The majority of people in the US will soon be non-white, so why not reflect the real needs of Americans.

What about what's right or wrong?

 

I confess, I marched for civil and equal rights. We older writers might notice things differently than our younger readers. A liberal writer might feel guilty not seeing any other race in the lead role. The same might be said, nowadays, for a cultural conservative. They’d say let the most talented rise to the top. These are people who love Doctor Carson. The point: We all might see color, our younger readers won’t. This is why whoever you write as your hero or heroine, make that person and their problems compelling and be colorblind.

Is the Academy of Arts and Sciences prejudiced in practice? I don’t know.

Is the popular TV franchise the Bachelor/Bachelorette failing to be diverse? I do know. Paul Lee, ABC Entertainment Group President and The Bachelor producer, Mike Fleiss are tweaking the system for choosing the next lead, not by simply picking the one who has the maximum exposure. Near and dear to my heart is the gorgeous half-Filipina woman, Caila, who is expected to get the nod as next Bachelorette. My wife is Filipina. Please know that the show has had many people of color on it, they just haven’t won with the notable exception of another Filipina, Catherine, who married her “Bachelor,” Sean.

Hallmark Romance TV movies (there are hundreds of them) has always had white heroes and heroines. It’s embarrassing (as I have remarked before).

So, consider that your younger hero/heroine is very likely to be colorblind if you tell the story true.

Pitfall for writers: infusing your young characters with the mindset you carried through another era.

 

Falling in Love—Bachelorette Style (a dance)

Why the Bachelorette finale was an amazing (example of how men and women think and act while falling in love). August 11, 2013
 

Many who hadn’t watched any or all of the episodes and casually tuned in to watch the finale either for a train wreck or a marriage proposal accepted were left wondering how Desiree could switch away so easily from the perceived front runner, Brooks, to Chris.

But I watched every episode and saw things differently. Weeks before the finale, Desiree, in a talk with the host, Chris Harrison, said she was falling in love with two men (Brooks and Chris). These feeling grew over time. The skeptic might ask how you can be in love or falling for two. Desiree answered this easily by stating her dating philosophy for the show. She would be in the moment with each person, giving her date full attention. This enabled her to see the good (or bad) in each man because she was invested in the guy’s life (needs and desire). She stated early in the show, she hoped to find a guy who was a good communicator besides the chemistry. Chris and Brooks were on a par with her intellectually. Chris and she exchanged some very good poetry. He was also quick witted. He was the one who got out of the limo the first night, kneeled before her and asked permission to tie his shoe. Perfect. Brooks engaged her with deep conversation about life.

In the end, Brooks failed because he was not romantic enough for whatever reason, plus he “didn’t love her enough.” When he told her he was leaving, she threw a huge fit. Why—she was fully invested in him as the most likely winner. But, she soon realized, love which isn’t given back is an illusion. During the fit, she said she might not be able to love the remaining two men. Might. She obviously thought long and hard about it. During the marriage proposal she told Chris he was the greatest man she ever knew and that she was searching but here he is and was standing right in front of her all the while—her man.

Chris loves her and she him, even Brooks saw this. It was obvious to me that Desiree’s feelings for Brooks dissipated quickly.

For those who have trouble with someone loving two people, I might ask a philosophical question. Consider if man is naturally monogamous (in spite of some evidence to the contrary (like the divorce rate))….or old religions, etc. Maybe some are some aren’t!

Tonight’s clip is of the proposal, thanks to ABC. For us romance writers, I firmly believe this show and especially Desiree’s speech (and his) are a gold mine of ideas or insights into the magic of falling in love.

Since neither Chris or Desiree knew if the proposal would be accepted I joke about it being a dance of emotions. Pay attention to Chris's reactions when she stops him from kneeling down. My heart would have broken, but I'm a quick on the spot reassemble. Much can be learned as a writer by listening to their words and watching their body language.
Part 1 of 2

Part 2 of 2

I'd be extremely surprised if these two broke up. During 'the after the final rose show' Chris intimated how the pressures on them from disbelievers worried him for their future together.

Hang in there you two, you are meant for each other.