Do men like Tomboys?

 All of us have attributes of both sexes in varying degrees. A Tomboy is often labeled as competitive, especially in sports. Or they might like to fix cars, lift weights, take to hammer and nails, etc.

I can only speak for myself this time because every man has a different opinion of who they are attracted, and why. I like women who are competitive in whatever they want to do. I don't find attractive heavy weight lifting by a woman because I find myself more attracted to the waif or athletic type.

I do want a woman to challenge and I firmly believe that men and women are equals.

This is why this season of The Bachelorette (ABC) intrigues me.

Michelle Young is the bachelorette and she's a Tomboy. In high school, she finished in second place all-state basketball. This is where her urge to excel manifests itself. She was a kindergarten teacher and now teaches fifth-grade. She, at first, refused ABC's gig, because she didn't want to abandon her 'kids.' ABC rearranged the schedule to accommodate her.

She's not the kind of Tomboy who always wants to top a male, is in Doris Day's portrayal in Annie Get Your Gun. No, Michelle understands that collaboration should lead to love but don't challenge her in basketball.

In the second episode, she had her men seated in small schoolroom desks and quizzed them. Some were god awful in arithmetic, lol, and her kid helpers weren't afraid to point it out.

Michelle's fear is not being seen [as a person or as a woman]. She grew up the only bi-racial girl and didn't get asked out on dates. [Sometimes missing a part of oneself can lead to excellence in another area as compensation, hence basketball.]

Michelle is lovely and loving and would make any man a good partner.

What’s the Difference between Obsession and Love?

We often see novelists pen words such as, he couldn’t stop thinking about her, nearly all thoughts came back to her. “I think about you every day (moment).” “I’m obsessed with her.”

These words and similar are often used in describing various points in the romantic arc; to describe the hero's awakening, previously content with one-night stands or video games. But, it is technically wrong. These words can be used to describe obsession, a word that carries so many negative connotations. Yes the hero can be overwhelmed by the heroine over time (or in the case of love at first sight, instantly) but it is all in the way this affection is focused with appropriate prose. Before we go further, let’s review the definitions.

From Webster’s:

Obsession: 1. the domination of one’s thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.

Love: 1. A profoundly tender, passionate affectionate for another person, esp. when based on sexual attraction.

Fiction writers are forever being told to show don’t tell. A man falling in love when confronted by thoughts of his beloved will think of how he can make her laugh, happy, lighten her day, make her feel special, plan for a great life together, which will mesh their ideas. He’ll plan something to do or say for when he sees her next. And oh yes, he will listen to learn, react and for both of them to grow.

On the other hand, an obsession can often be all about the hero. Something in his psyche (or hers) needs feeding. He will feel better about himself because he can get or have that very lovely heroine. He might declare that she completes him or that he is nothing without her. This is hyperly and sweet but deep down it is often a sign of insecurity. It could be said that the heroine is a momument to his ability to pick, or an acclimation of his worthiness.

I’m just saying, be careful in developing his focus. Is it inward and needy or outward and healthy?

On a side note: Mohammad Ali was not only obsessed in its most positive form but he dearly loved humanity.  He knew he would be champ (because he was that good) and said so. He also said that the heart was the greatest gift we have (the hero is not a champ without it).

There is no better mix of obsession and love than in the following, I’ll be Seeing You by Billie Holiday, 1944 (if clicking on Billie's picture doesn't work, click on the link below the picture. For the greatest generation this song described the hell of war. Any guy or gal had every right and perhaps a duty to their own mental well being to grow an obsession for a soldier who either will not or may not come home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDlKb2cBAqU

Happiness is love

Whether you be a Christian, Moslem, Jew, atheist or agnostic, for the vast majority of people, life is a happier experience if you have love.

 

Today at Easter Mass our priest told a short story. He was the youngest in a very large family. Each year the number of kids hunting for Easter eggs got smaller. Finally, after visiting his neighbor he came through the front yard noticing there are no Easter Eggs. Some of them, he explained you could easily see in years past. He asked his Mom.

“Sure, Joe. Follow me.” So he walked behind her as she placed the eggs. Easy pickens’. He worried, it might be his last year—at seventeen. [Credit Father Joe, St. John’s, Encinitas.]

 

Then he tried to relate the story to the happiness of this day and I thought about romance and the love we have for all people and how desolate the world would be without love of any kind. Write your romances. Please.

 

Here’s a song, that I don’t quite understand the words to but have no trouble with what the lyrics are imparting. It’s infectious.

HAPPY, by Pharrell Williams, 2013

The Bachelor revisited 2/19/2013

For those who don't like The Bachelor consider that total emersion 24/7 for 2 months on one subject is not unlike the Stockholm syndrome. In this case, you can't help but fall in love. A useful tool for a romance writer to know. IMO

On THE BACHELOR last night (Monday – 2/18/2013) my wife and I discovered that Catherine is half Filipina. My two daughters are half-Filipina, so we’ll root for Catherine.

BUT:

When Sean visited Catherine’s family it went really well, except Sean worried because he didn’t get Catherine’s mom’s permission to marry her (she’s 1 of 4 remaining). I asked my Filipina wife Del if that was cultural. She said that it was. So, Sean should figure that out or Catherine needs to explain. My wife also said that the sisters telling Sean she wasn’t ready for children yet was a correct assessment (“sisters know”). I being the romantic disagreed. I said maybe the show changed her. She got on the show originally to see what would happen, have some fun. But eating, drinking, living ‘love’ 24/7 tends to change people.

Sean is like a puppy dog. He loves everybody more or less. He is also trying to be mature and make decisions. I hope he finds happiness. Hot off the presses: Sean, although he has had sex long before the show, is dedicating himself to waiting for marriage. Better do that with a Filipina, Sean.

Sean considered sending Catherine home but sent Desiree instead. Desiree’s brother ruined it for Desiree by calling Sean a playboy and overall just giving him a hard time. Sean couldn’t see how he’d get along in a family situation. Once again logic: if her brother felt that way, then why not talk to his sister about why she went on the show and what her experiences were there. He’d never accuse her of being part of a harem (or would he). Instead he accused a guy, without really knowing him. Before people are married they tend to date more than one person until they make their choice. It’s unlikely Catherine will be picked (I don’t look at spoilers).

Ashlee’s backstory is heart rending. She is also gorgeous and the most eloquent and mature of the three remaining.

Lindsey is so funny. She stepped out of the limo on night one wearing a wedding gown. She followed that up with a string of one-liners.

 

One of the lines from a novel of mine goes, ". . . those flaming heterosexuals."

Catherine and Sean: