How do you really know when you’ve found true love?
Originally posted Jan 05, 2016 by Randi Gunther Ph.D. from her blog at https://randigunther.blogspot.com.
How do you really know when you’ve found true love?
During my 40 years as a couple’s therapist, many of my relationship-seeking patients have asked me this question when they meet someone special.
In watching literally hundreds of relationships unfold, I believe that I can answer that question with relative accuracy. I understand what early feelings and behaviors most often predict when a new relationship will transform into long-lasting, true love. Of course, feelings of love can be more urgent in youth, and people tend to be more wary as life progresses, but new couples are new couples at every stage of life. No matter when or how they meet, some people do experience clearly magical connections very early on in a relationship that predict long-term commitment and devotion.
I’ve asked my long-lasting true-love couples what they remember when they met the person who became their long-lasting love. I believe that those early experiences are often the litmus test of whether a relationship has the potential to develop into true love. I’ve had the opportunity to observe new couples who definitely have had those experiences and many are still deeply in love after spending years together. They all shared similar experiences very early in their relationship that helped them know that they’d found their soul mates.
1 of 9. Surprise
As people navigate their way through dating experiences, they are likely to have pre-set expectations of the early moments. Though most hope that each new relationship might be “the one,” they internally don’t expect that to happen. As a result, they develop patterns of interaction that have worked relatively well in the past, and approach each new relationship ready to re-enact them.
When a relationship has the potential for long-term devotion, my couples tell me that they felt that their early connection didn’t follow the usual pattern. Each responded differently than they expected and in ways that were immediately intriguing. They had a sense of surprise that felt off-kilter in a special kind of way. Things weren’t going in a predictable and comfortable direction, but the new path felt different in a positive way.
“I saw her walk in the door and she looked interesting, but that had happened to me many times before and I didn’t trust my first responses to any new person anymore. I decided to get closer anyway, just to make the evening worthwhile. At first, she didn’t seem interested, but I persisted because something felt different in an odd sort of way. We started talking and, within a short time, this weird feeling started to come over me, like I was kind of out-of-body. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, because it was nothing I’d felt before. I kept wondering what this girl was doing that was making me feel different. It’s hard to put it into words, even after all this time, but I can tell you, I wasn’t the same. I couldn’t have told you that night, but, in looking back, I was already in love.”
Bob's comments: I was blown away by the astute and studied observations of Doctor Gunther. To me, it's magic. Life is amazing and its point is love eternal and temporal. Something inside us guides us or perhaps something far greater guides us with a loving hand.
From a friend: "I sat there in a church I visited once and couldn't help but notice the great beauty sitting pews ahead with her husband and children. I was embarrassed to stare at another man's wife and resolved to stop it. A voice in my mind told me that someday we'd be a couple. Oh yeah, sure. I scoffed and forgot the incident. Well ten years later I met a divorced woman. We instantly clicked and then after some time it hit me. This was the woman from the church. Needless to say I was surprised. I met my life mate."
Bob: Was it supernatural or just knowing the right person when you see her/him? The mind is a magnificent instrument.
Originally posted Jan 05, 2016 by Randi Gunther Ph.D. from her blog at https://randigunther.blogspot.com.
How do you really know when you’ve found true love?
During my 40 years as a couple’s therapist, many of my relationship-seeking patients have asked me this question when they meet someone special.
In watching literally hundreds of relationships unfold, I believe that I can answer that question with relative accuracy. I understand what early feelings and behaviors most often predict when a new relationship will transform into long-lasting, true love. Of course, feelings of love can be more urgent in youth, and people tend to be more wary as life progresses, but new couples are new couples at every stage of life. No matter when or how they meet, some people do experience clearly magical connections very early on in a relationship that predict long-term commitment and devotion.
I’ve asked my long-lasting true-love couples what they remember when they met the person who became their long-lasting love. I believe that those early experiences are often the litmus test of whether a relationship has the potential to develop into true love. I’ve had the opportunity to observe new couples who definitely have had those experiences and many are still deeply in love after spending years together. They all shared similar experiences very early in their relationship that helped them know that they’d found their soul mates.
1 of 9. Surprise
As people navigate their way through dating experiences, they are likely to have pre-set expectations of the early moments. Though most hope that each new relationship might be “the one,” they internally don’t expect that to happen. As a result, they develop patterns of interaction that have worked relatively well in the past, and approach each new relationship ready to re-enact them.
When a relationship has the potential for long-term devotion, my couples tell me that they felt that their early connection didn’t follow the usual pattern. Each responded differently than they expected and in ways that were immediately intriguing. They had a sense of surprise that felt off-kilter in a special kind of way. Things weren’t going in a predictable and comfortable direction, but the new path felt different in a positive way.
“I saw her walk in the door and she looked interesting, but that had happened to me many times before and I didn’t trust my first responses to any new person anymore. I decided to get closer anyway, just to make the evening worthwhile. At first, she didn’t seem interested, but I persisted because something felt different in an odd sort of way. We started talking and, within a short time, this weird feeling started to come over me, like I was kind of out-of-body. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, because it was nothing I’d felt before. I kept wondering what this girl was doing that was making me feel different. It’s hard to put it into words, even after all this time, but I can tell you, I wasn’t the same. I couldn’t have told you that night, but, in looking back, I was already in love.”
Bob's comments: I was blown away by the astute and studied observations of Doctor Gunther. To me, it's magic. Life is amazing and its point is love eternal and temporal. Something inside us guides us or perhaps something far greater guides us with a loving hand.
From a friend: "I sat there in a church I visited once and couldn't help but notice the great beauty sitting pews ahead with her husband and children. I was embarrassed to stare at another man's wife and resolved to stop it. A voice in my mind told me that someday we'd be a couple. Oh yeah, sure. I scoffed and forgot the incident. Well ten years later I met a divorced woman. We instantly clicked and then after some time it hit me. This was the woman from the church. Needless to say I was surprised. I met my life mate."
Bob: Was it supernatural or just knowing the right person when you see her/him? The mind is a magnificent instrument.
