Come As You Are

On Saturday Feb. 17, 2018 RWASD had Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., deliver a morning and afternoon lecture on sexuality and love. I’ll feature one aspect of her terrific talk, and one supportive insight by me.

She said that straight men and women exhibit different responses on the average to genital and subjective arousal. In men, 85% correlate genital response (aka physical attraction) with subjective appraisal. That is, if they are attracted to a woman they want sex and they want her in their lives 85% of the time. For a woman only 10% show this associative behavior. 10% want sex right then and there and because of this desire they want him in their lives. The remaining 90% reject the man’s advance even though they may be in some state of arousal. Therefore, men should not read too much into positive sexual indicators. This misreading of women is one indefensible reason why some men abuse women and by so doing trample on her human rights. In some cases, this rightfully earns him a trip to prison.

ME: Interpreting the above, most women prefer to make sure that their offspring have the right genes. Whereas the man sees beauty and having the bullish feeling that his genes and her beauty make a sufficient combination pursue a life partnership. Another way of saying this is that the man has many sperm and needs to make a gift of them, whereas the woman has one egg (at a time) and needs to protect it.

Nagoski said that the opposite is true, on the average, for gays or lesbians. To support this, I offer: Among others, a landmark study by Savic and Lindström indicates that there are cerebral differences in homosexual and heterosexual individuals. There are differences in brain anatomy, activities, and neurological connections. Brain scan images of the subjects who participated in this study show that the brains of homosexual individuals exhibit similar structure and functionality as that of heterosexual individuals of the opposite gender.

I learned from Nagoski’s lecture and will order her book to help me write better male and female characters and live a better life with my wife. I highly recommend Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.