Clarity in writing

CLARITY

Lack of clarity in a submission is the number one reason why an author’s work gets rejected. Think about it. Clarity can be, and for my purposes, is found in the previous nine reasons that lead to rejection.

1.      ! The use of symbols when words are better. An exclamation point has more than one meaning.

2.      Blasting queries. Using the one size fits all approach shows the agent or editor that you either didn’t think through your submission or you didn’t care.

3.      Not reading books on writing is like jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Reading clarifies in the writer’s mind which of many paths to take.

4.      Not joining critique groups, going to conferences or joining genre organizations leaves the author uncertain how to proceed (and without kindred spirits).

5.      Commas are much like exclamation points regarding clarity. Using commas to show breathing, pause, surprise, confusion, stroke etc. confuses the agent or editor. Because the comma isn’t a word, it’s anybody’s guess why those extra commas are there.

6.      Overusing complicated and multi-thought sentences is like knocking out an opponent in a boxing match. Except you are the loser.

7.      If the first chapter is used to set up the story by immersing the reader in the normal life of the protagonist, the agent or editor will reject the manuscript. They don’t understand because the author’s purpose is unclear.

8.      Head hopping or omniscient narration leaves agents. editors and potential readers confused.

9.      A lack of emotion in a character leads to a lack of emotional attachment in the story by the reader. To be clear, emotion in a character, as I define it, is not all about crying, laughing, smiling, etc. It’s precisely how a character reacts, acts, thinks or talks in any given situation. Done right, the reader is hooked, because they “get” (understand) and identify with the character.

10.  Clarity.

Clarity brings a scene and book into focus. Say Moby Dick and most people will be able to speak in metaphors and about memorable characters.

Crisp dialogue gives a story a magical or charming quality. Is there anybody out there who has not a clue what movie this came from, “I’ll have what she’s having” or “Here’s looking at you, kid”? Here's a harder one, "nobody's perfect". Stilted dialogue is often bogged down and defined by clichés, unnatural usage or wordiness. Less is more and original but understood expressions are what we all want.

Although interior intimate thought can meander to show indecision, we need to keep an eye on tentative resolution in the character’s mind or, at least, some change in the arc of the character. If the character is lost for too long, often the reader will find ways to lose the book.

A character cannot remain stoic while all hell is breaking loose about him scene after scene. Why? The character shows no change, no action. A novel is all about change. Otherwise it could be called the diary of a mad author.

CIGARETTES, BOOZE AND COFFEE

Why show don't tell works differently for male and female characters

These are not only props in any story telling media, they help show the story. Of course, cigarettes do not get the play they once had because of all the discoveries: getting cancer, diminishing many organs, losing teeth, reducing sexual performance, foul mouth odors, etc.

At my critique group on Friday one of the members recommended a recently released Kindle book titled, SHOW DON’T TELL by Parnell. I started reading it and realized men on the average look at show or tell differently than women. Luckily, for romance writers, you need not adjust, but you might want to fine tune when writing in the male POV.

First, here’s a basic example of telling: She’s scared, something fell in the dark room. Somebody else had to be in the room. She felt like screaming.

Showing: She groped for the flashlight, barely holding her balance. Something banged on the floor. Not her doing. Sweat beaded on the back of her neck, somebody else was breathing heavily.

Okay, I just knocked that out, so it might not be the best example.

Tricks of the trade:

Men are sometimes totally or partially color blind. Women are not.

Men often focus on the physical aspects of who or what is before them first. Women often see beyond the physical first and it colors their interpretations of what they see.

Men rarely notice shoes. Often women can’t get enough of them and for that matter often judge by the way someone is dressed. Note to guys, dress appropriately.

For many men the consequence of touching is intimacy. For many women touching is a social bonding opportunity.

I just started thinking about this so I'll need your help with more examples.

Back to cigarettes, booze and coffee.

Regarding any addiction, if either the hero or heroine is sober, one way to show stress instead of saying they feel stressed is for them to pick up a smoke, a drink.

TELLING: Today might change her miserable life. Include more blah, blah here.

SHOWING: She brewed a double espresso instead of the regular java. She pushed the unread morning paper away and sipped. Was it worth it or appropriate for her to accidently-on-purpose talk to him at the (name a place) or should she let him come to her? She sipped again. Hadn’t noticed the birds chirping in quite a while.

She picked up her cup and walked out into her barren garden.

A word of caution. Every fictional story needs a certain amount of telling.

 

Casablanca, 1942, the male POV

 

 

Extra credit ladies, not that you need to practice the female POV. This scene is a mix of Rick and Ilsa but is particularly instructive in showing not telling the female POV.