Writing eulogies

 Eulogy writing 101

At weddings, at funerals many stand up and repeat the Pablum of often said things about the couple or dearly departed. They do this because sharing unique things about the subject injects the speaker into the speech. The speaker often thinks speaking that way will look like an ego trip.

Nonsense.

The listener wants to know more about the couple, the departed. They want to enrich their memories and if you are the only person to do it--do it.

Here’s a shortened version of my eulogy for my, which I feared would not be well received but found out afterwards that people loved it.

Mom’s Eulogy:

 INTRO (welcome, and names)

But first, so you know, for the last fifteen years mom from age 80 to 95 struggled with Alzheimer’s and she did it with grace. Not once did she get angry. Quite the reverse, she always smiled, handed out kisses. She was known for many phrases but the best one is: “All I know is that I love you.” That’s about all she knew during her struggle.

About five years ago at the Christmas Party put on by my sister, Chris, my sisters and I commiserated over mom’s disease. I blurted out, “I want my mommy back,” without realizing what I just said. Mimi then said, “you just said mommy.” Her eyebrows went up. I surprised myself. I hadn’t been drinking. I hadn’t been crying. I didn’t eat that many of Chris’s cookies. After tears did come to my eyes, I marveled over what I just said trying to understand. I thought about the complex psychology that goes into being human. I wondered if there was a little boy inside me that never left.

Since that time, I thought a lot about it and I began remembering things that led to trapping the boy inside a man. So what I’m about to share with you has never been spoken of before.

Basically, Mom and I were alone for my first five years and because Bill was a baby let’s make that seven years.

So what did mom do to make me who I am today?

Since it was just mom and I when dad went to work, she taught me many things, most of them spiritual, plus she threw in a copious amount of hugs, encouraging words, and later lunch bag notes. I had no pre-K, just mom.

First of all, and most important, she taught me to pray with her the rosary every day. Is it any wonder I became an altar boy or when finishing St. Joe’s College, toyed with becoming a priest? She even took me over to Saint Cecilia’s to join the choir. That didn’t go well, but I tried for her sake because to her I could sing on American Bandstand. I wish. Move over Little Richard for a littler Richard.

Most fun of all, her girlfriends would come over some days and they and mom took turns teaching me to jitterbug, waltz, and whatever I could do without falling down. They’d take my hand and twirl me around. But I fell more times than Chevy Chase. I wish I retained those lessons. Now I dance like Big Bird. As remedial learning, I usually snuck down the basement’s steps to watch the couples dance on Saturday night. My mom and dad, always in love, danced on and on. No wonder I’m an incurable romantic.

Thank you, mom.

I was getting an allowance that I don’t think dad knew about. Mom knew I was interested in the chess set sold for a dollar at the Rexall across from Saint Cecilia’s because I stopped buying nickel candies and I told her I thought the game was cool. Some how my five weeks of five nickels turned into twenty nickels in one day. I never questioned it. It was not a miracle, it was a miracle named mom.

Thank you, mom.

She always told us that we had a purpose, which was to love our neighbor and that all people are neighbors and to love God. Every day she would take me aside and talk about faith and love. I thought I was living with a nun but I knew she was my mom and she danced way too much to be a nun. Besides, there was this guy who came home every night and after a while a whole bunch of kids. No matter the number of kids, mom always showed love for each of us.

She also taught us that love is an action word. Just saying I love you means nothing if you can’t put energy into it.

Thank you, Mom.

She even had a ruler with the golden rule written across it. Which she playfully chased us around with when we did something naughty. But really, I was never naughty. Why would I be with super mom always near?

My mom, with one baby on her hip always said we had two choices, both of them hers.

I told her I was shy with girls and she taught me that everybody wants to be treated with kindness and that I should just talk to them and listen.

I’m listening, Mom.

Thank you so much for celebrating with us the greatest woman any of us had the blessed providence to call, mommy.

We miss you.

Thank you, Mom.