Kissing as the most intimate act

This post is dedicated to my high school sweetheart, Margie Miller, wherever she is.

I guess I won't get in trouble with Margie's mom if I reveal the truth now about our love life. Let me stress the love in love life. Day after summer day, we played at the pool until we got tangled in the aqua waters. We got out. i took her hand and we walked off behind the pines on the sand dunes. I explored her, being the curious boy I was. We didn't have sex (we never had sex), whatever that was. Besides I was a good Catholic boy. I had to stop our petting because I sensed the stealthy approach of two 'friends.' The next day or so, Margie informed me that her mom didn't want her to do any of the little things we were doing.
"What about kissing? I love to kiss you."
"And I love kissing you."
We discussed the outragious merits of kissing (and hugging). My strongest point was we were crazy for each other and we had to do something otherwise we might as well just be friends (and be miserable).
"But you can't do this." Margie referred to caressing her breasts, one of my favorite activities. I suspected she might have been hiding her kissing compromise from her mom. But when you are in love, something has to give.

We kissed for years. We kissed for hours at a time, to the point, when I conceived this post, I couldn't remember much of what we talked about. It was steamy, passionate, but above all, loving, mutual adoration. We stole kisses just about everywhere we could.

Kissing is all about love. As adults we learn that having sex and an orgasm is what is necessary. Back then we were completely satisfied in each other's arms whispering silly things.

Kissing is intimate, love affirming. For most of us, we'll never kiss as much as we did back then. We have lost something. Making kissing the goal rather than a step is so incredibly fulfilling.

I'm not going to talk about kissing techniques, because a good kiss tells your partner how much you love them, no matter what way you do it.

I was a lifeguard at the Downs Farm pool in Cherry Hill New Jersey. She worked in the snack bar. She put on our song. I got somebody to cover me for five minutes. i walked to the bar, went inside, up to her, in front of an audience of her friends (who were expecting this) and kissed her.

Our song: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me by Mel Carter, 1965

 

Mothers going through Hell

Mothers who go through hell.

Some women choose bad boys as mates. Some become pregnant willingly or not. Some have horribly painful and difficult pregnancies and then deliveries. Some have problem children and all have problem moments.

With a sense of humor and awe for all moms I present a trailer for the new Rosemary’s Baby (TV) because the scenes and/or trailer for the original movie, that I could find, focused on Satan and Satanists rather than the arc of the mother. It is interesting to note how the director shows Rosemary’s humanity and maternal strength through this whole story. I see allegory. Others might see a paranormal thriller. Perhaps it is both, but above all and in an odd way it’s a story about a mother who loves inspite of it all. Some professional critics have panned the new TV show and in some cases the book, but as professional writers we know and can use the truth to develop our craft. The devil is in the details. Isn't it my darlings?

 

 

Soulmates need to be handled expertly

There’s a small amount of controversy about using soulmates in romance novels. A soulmate as a feature of life is an abstraction. Writing gurus don’t recommend writing in the abstract. So what to do? The author either believes in soulmates and/or wishes the character(s) to believe in it.

We don’t prefer to write in abstractions because it avoids the senses which is the best food for any reader. There’s only one solution (for any abstraction, such as philosophical, religious, political beliefs). The characters can talk about these abstractions, yes. But, it’s so much better to show the characters in action living their beliefs.

So what’s a soulmate? Let the characters find their own way. Be true to their stories.

 

Maybe finding that right person is just an accident, or an act of scientific study (online dating). Maybe when two people meet they just know. Perhaps, for the most of us, it’s a matter of caring for another person who suits us in many ways.

 

ALL OF ME by John Legend, 2013, 5 min.

 

Made for TV romance movies

The Hallmark Movie Channel produces 30 to 35 original movies a year many of which are romances and many of those are adaptations of romance novels and romance authors who have been well received.

Being a guy I doubt I’m telling my sisters anything they don’t know. So I’ll give this a male twist (well). Before I started writing romances I generally had a middling opinion of made for TV romance movies. I love movies like You’ve Got Mail and used to compare everything to that standard and then decide if it would be worth my time. But once I started reading romances I became more attracted to the made for TV movies. It will always be true for me that I like a meaty plot but I also enjoy the tropes and interior ruminations/thoughts involved in the typical TV romance movie.

 

I picked one at random. Hallmark Movie Channel, Class, July 22, 2010 (5 minutes)

 

Extra credit: Is there also a difference in texture/timing or pace with movies released on the big screen?

 

Happiness is love

Whether you be a Christian, Moslem, Jew, atheist or agnostic, for the vast majority of people, life is a happier experience if you have love.

 

Today at Easter Mass our priest told a short story. He was the youngest in a very large family. Each year the number of kids hunting for Easter eggs got smaller. Finally, after visiting his neighbor he came through the front yard noticing there are no Easter Eggs. Some of them, he explained you could easily see in years past. He asked his Mom.

“Sure, Joe. Follow me.” So he walked behind her as she placed the eggs. Easy pickens’. He worried, it might be his last year—at seventeen. [Credit Father Joe, St. John’s, Encinitas.]

 

Then he tried to relate the story to the happiness of this day and I thought about romance and the love we have for all people and how desolate the world would be without love of any kind. Write your romances. Please.

 

Here’s a song, that I don’t quite understand the words to but have no trouble with what the lyrics are imparting. It’s infectious.

HAPPY, by Pharrell Williams, 2013

THE GUY OR GAL NOBODY WANTS

Today will be short because I wouldn’t want to procrastinate and do my taxes on the fourteenth or fifteenth. LOL

The guy or gal nobody wants (by as physically superior opposite sex)

There’s an attraction (of pen to paper or fingers to keyboard) for the gal or the guy who feels because of the way they look they’ll never find their mate (and they often want the physically gifted). NBC had a show called Average Joe a few years back and it did, well, average. Susan Elizabeth Phillips plays with physically flawed (but adorable) heroines, like the gal in the beaver suit. I tried to think of a physically flawed hero other than Quasimodo (who didn’t get the girl) of King Kong (too hairy), but couldn’t think of one.

So that’s my challenge to you. In romance novels, who out there has a hero who isn’t the pro quarterback or Navy Seal, or outrageously handsome? I know we deal in fantasy to a certain extent. Maybe I’m rushing today. Who? Aren’t there some scientists, nerds, geeks, too tall, too short heroes in books you've read? Help.

 

Some Like it Hot, Billy Wilder, 1959, Monroe, Curtis, & Lemmon ended with an insurmountable (forgive the pun) flaw.

elpHelpMNobody's pN

CIGARETTES, BOOZE AND COFFEE

Why show don't tell works differently for male and female characters

These are not only props in any story telling media, they help show the story. Of course, cigarettes do not get the play they once had because of all the discoveries: getting cancer, diminishing many organs, losing teeth, reducing sexual performance, foul mouth odors, etc.

At my critique group on Friday one of the members recommended a recently released Kindle book titled, SHOW DON’T TELL by Parnell. I started reading it and realized men on the average look at show or tell differently than women. Luckily, for romance writers, you need not adjust, but you might want to fine tune when writing in the male POV.

First, here’s a basic example of telling: She’s scared, something fell in the dark room. Somebody else had to be in the room. She felt like screaming.

Showing: She groped for the flashlight, barely holding her balance. Something banged on the floor. Not her doing. Sweat beaded on the back of her neck, somebody else was breathing heavily.

Okay, I just knocked that out, so it might not be the best example.

Tricks of the trade:

Men are sometimes totally or partially color blind. Women are not.

Men often focus on the physical aspects of who or what is before them first. Women often see beyond the physical first and it colors their interpretations of what they see.

Men rarely notice shoes. Often women can’t get enough of them and for that matter often judge by the way someone is dressed. Note to guys, dress appropriately.

For many men the consequence of touching is intimacy. For many women touching is a social bonding opportunity.

I just started thinking about this so I'll need your help with more examples.

Back to cigarettes, booze and coffee.

Regarding any addiction, if either the hero or heroine is sober, one way to show stress instead of saying they feel stressed is for them to pick up a smoke, a drink.

TELLING: Today might change her miserable life. Include more blah, blah here.

SHOWING: She brewed a double espresso instead of the regular java. She pushed the unread morning paper away and sipped. Was it worth it or appropriate for her to accidently-on-purpose talk to him at the (name a place) or should she let him come to her? She sipped again. Hadn’t noticed the birds chirping in quite a while.

She picked up her cup and walked out into her barren garden.

A word of caution. Every fictional story needs a certain amount of telling.

 

Casablanca, 1942, the male POV

 

 

Extra credit ladies, not that you need to practice the female POV. This scene is a mix of Rick and Ilsa but is particularly instructive in showing not telling the female POV.