Body language versus interior thoughts

Body language versus interior thoughts

It is not a true "either or". BUT.

If you are writing in intimate third or first person, and not as an omniscient narrator, then take care to get this right.

If the POV character is observing another character’s actions he may describe body language observed and may also delve into interior monologue.

If the POV character is in the process of doing or thinking something, then he should not use body language to describe himself unless he’s making a point about what he wants his body language to mean.

Why?

Example: Let’s call our point of view character, Mr. Pov.

Mr. Pov began to swallow repeatedly when he saw the heroine approach. Why did he swallow? Could it be he had indigestion, hiccups, guilt, became anxious, nervous, etc. In intimate third person Mr. Pov should share with us his thoughts. Hiding his thoughts is the same as hiding the story, because the story is being told and shown to us through the eyes of Mr. Pov.

If Mr. Pov witnesses the heroine swallowing repeatedly he can’t be sure why. He may speculate. He may ask and hope he gets a truthful answer.

So many authors who are fond of body language fall into this trap. They sprinkle body language over every character, often because they think they’re showing not telling. Don’t let it be you. Tell interior thoughts to develop and deepen the character. Show body language to get a picture in the reader’s mind.

Mr. Pov cried hoping the heroine would think he cared. In realty he planned his reaction to remake his image. His acting lessons paid off. The truth was he cared for no one but himself, but he wanted her money.

In loving memory

I write today with a depth of sadness I have never experienced. My lovely daughter, Lani Nicole (Richard) Schiller has passed away on March 21, 2019 at the age of 44.
 If any of you would like to learn more about this very special young lady please go to:
https://www.gofundme.com/in-memory-for-lani?fbclid=IwAR1tjJPce7D7CcI40Lz4HKMnMrP8RALV7Xcw9gDciBP9eqi0_x9TdsFwhfc


With all my love,
Bob Richard

p.s. My daughter's last wish was for my NA (interracial) manuscript to be published in the traditional manner. I will, honey.

Scene Structure

Scene structure

I was asked in my critique group by a new-to-romance writer how my scene advanced the plot.

I said, (remember we always feel constrained by time, or at least I do) that I was showing the hero and heroine’s relationship developing, changing.

Afterwards I wondered if that was enough. Remember the book on writing by Debra Dixon, Goal, Motivation & Conflict?

I asked myself what was the goal of the scene.

Goal: To show the hero’s reaching out to understand and enjoy the heroine’s hobby (writing songs, poems or rap).

Motivation: She wants to teach him. He wants to learn, because he was falling in love and had an insatiable appetite for knowledge.

Conflict: A poetry store clerk flirts with the hero which bothers the heroine.

This should be enough, right?

Well, the next scene has an outside irritant introduced. This was my remedy after I thought about how to please my critique group friend. Before her comment, I wasn’t quite sure how to handle the next scene which I labeled meet the FBI agent. So, from trying to justify my little scene about a growing love came the solidification of how the next one should go.

I really appreciate every critique I get, even if seemingly off the mark. Because it often becomes a catalyst to crystalize something in my story.

Scenes:

1.     At least one goal or purpose.

2.    Advance the plot.

3.    Be essential to the story.

4.    Advance or diminish the romance. It is important to include ups and downs and a black moment where they walk away from each other and the reader screams at her book. NO.

5.    Show motivation(s).

6.    Show conflict.

My friend, Ann Siracusa, reminded me to add the following to the list of what each scene should have:
1. Have a beginning, middle and end.
2. Each character should have an agenda.
3. Don't forget the hook at the end of the scene.

Off topic: Last week I was listening to an NPR interview with Benjamin Dreyer, Copy Chief of Random House. His book may surprise you, Dreyer’s English, 2019. He covers grammar and style. He writes about when it is okay to split an infinitive, end a sentence with a preposition, start a sentence with and,& but (but not together). Etc. Want a fresh take on those nasty rules we constantly forget? This book is for you.

Critique group woes

Have you ever worried about writing a novel by committee? I have.

Week after week, recently, I a critter, who has an agent says, “I’m having trouble with believability.” [I’m writing a romance.]

In a critique group, it is not recommended that you not stick up for yourself, mostly because of time and slightly because of egos. So I say nothing. I go home make corrections that I understand and then try to guess what she meant. Is it that my 18 year-old black girl and my 20 year-old white boy are somehow not attracted to each other or I’m writing them wrong? What I usually do when editing from critique group input is fill in more story via dialogue and interior monologue to make the story richer. [BTW. This type of romance is called NA, i.e. new adult.] I look at setting, time lapses, everything. This introspection has never been without value because it sharpens the story.

I was nonetheless curious about what she meant about believability. I asked her on a break and she couldn’t pin it down. So I prompted her with an example that I knew I was going to change. She said, “I don’t know if that’s the way the hero and his dad get along.” I do. The group cannot be expected to remember what you wrote in previous weeks for many reasons.

To name a couple:

1. They missed a week or weeks.

2. They forget. It isn’t their story.

A funny thing happens on the way to the weekly group meeting. I write 3 to 6 pages max, 1 scene or chapter only. My writing is tight and sometimes doesn’t cover some interior monologue that I felt might be helpful in showing more story. I do this because of time limitations. Also, I never summarize previous chapters and/or explain things that have changed because each scene should stand on its own merits or so the experts say.

I remember a vice-presidential candidate saying many years ago, “Who am I and what am I doing here?”

If I don’t understand the other writer’s story, I usually give a pass because I’m not on top of every nuance. BUT. I can’t blame anybody else for getting lost and offering a suggestion that my story in some way is unbelievable. I just take it under advisement. You have probably heard that phrase before in your own group(s). It usually means I’m hurt, I don’t want to talk about, I don’t value your opinion, but it should mean, how can I improve my story and could you be more explicit.

For those now curious, I’m writing the best novel of my life and I have my critique group to thank for it. All of them.

 

Inspirational romance

Searching for meaning, purpose and love finds its way into profane stories that often don’t mention religion or the Golden Rule.

But these stories show and have no time to tell. Showing is always the most dramatic way to get in a dig for right over wrong.

Today, the Academy Awards had much love to show:

A Star is Born, shows an incredible romance with three people, he, she and his demons.

Black Clansman, forget the Klan, those people are idiots and find hate and that hate might be the only way they can make money. This is a love story between two cops, one black and one a Jew.

Green Book, here a love between a white and black is shown amidst 1970s hate.

Roma, shows a live-in housekeeper in Mexico City who has a life of her own.

We are not told what is right or wrong. The movie shows us the way.

The delicate nature of romance

This post is a follow-up to a previous post called "Painting oneself into a corner", published 1/27/19.
Consider the difficulties of writing a two POV story, the hero and heroine. Girl meets boy in an odd or cute meet. They struggle together or apart or a little of both. They become both protagonist and antagonist. Usually there is a huge physical pull between them. There are often external antagonists to spoil their plans. They may have different plans. They may see the antagonist(s) as protagonist(s). You are writing a novel and because of the length and the need for drama you must set up various barriers to their future love.

Balance this with the way most people get together. They’re attracted, they like, they love (or they discover they’re incompatible).

If you watch a romance or romantic comedy, most of the roadblocks are easily identifiable because they come from outside influences. A good actor and actress will try to show you their inner conflicts typically with facial expressions or body language. Sometimes they address the problem with words. All this fits into a two hour movie.

Herein lies the problem for a writer. Try writing hundreds of pages of ever changing interior conflict between hero and heroine, using both viewpoints and making it seem real.

Because of this difficulty the conflict expressed in interior monologue needs tropes as understandable and believable assists:

1.      Not ready for love.

2.      Not ready for marriage or fear of commitment.

3.      Not wanting marriage or kids.

4.      Having something more important to accomplish, career, school.

5.      And an infinite number of other problems that the author’s creative mind comes up with for their special story.

Next week, I’ll write about how hard it is to fool the reader regarding who he or she will pick.

Simplicity

Simplicity

There are so many books about how to start a novel. The First Five Pages by Noah Lukeman and Hooked by Les Edgerton are two of my favorites.

We all know or should know that the first scene or chapter should have an inciting incident that changes everything for the hero. This is a sweeping recommendation, bordering on a commandment. We also know that we shouldn’t start with dialogue as a rule because we don’t know the characters too well yet nor do we know where we are. This is a pointer often given.

Today, I want to write about the first paragraph or two. These suggestions are pointers not some sweeping do or die commandment.

First, let’s see an example from chapter one, paragraph one of Natural Born Charmer by Susan Elizabeth Phillips:

“It wasn’t every day a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of the road, not even in Dean Robillard’s larger-than-life world. “Son of a…” Dean slammed on the brakes of his brand-new Aston Martin Vanquish and pulled over in front of her.”

I hardly know where to begin or what to leave to your imagination or for you to figure out on your own. Phillips is that good. Simple words or phrases like side of the road, marching, larger-than-life, brand new, headless beaver… all evocative and precise (and understandable). There is not one word that doesn’t fit. Her first paragraph is like a mosaic in which removing any piece spoils the art.

Immediately, we have a sense of who Dean is, what he wants and/or maybe doesn’t know it “her.”

1.      The first paragraph gives us a story promise. The rich, Dean, is going to go out of his way for a strange lady or something he has never experienced. What’s with his life (purpose or lack of) that would compel him to stop his car?

2.      It tells us where he is, a back road somewhere.

3.      It shows our hero to have a sense of adventure, fun and wonderment of life.

4.      “Marching” gives a sense of the heroine. She’s proud and maybe disgusted with her plight since she’s no longer wearing her head.

5.      “Slammed on the brakes” shows that the hero is impulsive. He already finds the “beaver” irresistible in some way he might not yet fully comprehend.

6.      Pulling over in front of her shows his type A personality. He saying stop right there young lady. I must talk to you and I always get my way.

For most of us mortals telling a bit about the POV character and where he is, in the first paragraph, is a good start. To engage the reader’s imagination in a focused way is good. To write using abstraction is bad. Bad, because a wondering mind will lead to the reader wondering why she’s reading your story.

For homework read over your first paragraph and see if you could be confused with Susan Elizabeth Phillips.